Insubordinate

***

1. The first few times Harry Kim dies (or appears to), Kathryn doesn't exactly notice. This says something about her mental makeup, and something rather unpleasant. Still after the fifth - she thinks that was some time in year three - she has to bite her tongue when he emerges, mostly whole, onto the bridge. She wants to say "I order you not to die anymore, Ensign! It's hell on our paperwork..."

She doesn't because even though it's flippant it's still freakishly true.

This doesn't stop her from starting a letter to his parents every single time it happens.

2. She wishes she could order Neelix and Tuvok to separate corners for the rest of their voyage. She knows Tuvok would probably raise a pleased eyebrow at the whole idea, and Neelix would look stricken and try and find ways to be 'sneaky' on visiting his Vulcan friend. They're just so... annoying when they're in the same room together. Bantering and fighting and generally being a pain in her head.

Still, Tuvok was the only one who managed to ferret out Neelix's leeola supply (and incinerate it) and Neelix is the only one who can occasionally get Tuvok to loosen up. For Tuvok.

Anyway, she's probably just still guilty about the whole Tuvix thing, so she tries to just let it go.

3. Everytime Chakotay volunteers to pilot a mission, she has to bite her tongue and grit her teeth. They've lost three shuttles to that man's horrendous luck and it takes everything Catain-y inside of her to grit her teeth and smile in his direction. He is a good pilot. He is. Really.

She still wants to order him never to go near another one ever again.

4. At the height of Tom and B'Elanna's courtship, Kathryn nearly breaks down and orders them never to see each other again. It's one thing to deal with two sexually frustrated people who fight all the time. Actually, but that point she'd almost completely built up her Tom/B'Elanna/Harry fighting and bantering filter up to par and then those two had to go and kick everything on its ear.

Not only do they fight more often and more loudly, she also has to deal with complainants who find them... making up.

It's annoying and frustrating and if they weren't so damn happy (and useful) she'd toss them both out an airlock. Instead, she just orders them not to fuck while on duty and promises to take all their toys away if they do.

Mostly, it works.

5. Captain Janeway wants to order her crew not to get hurt anymore. She's memorized a list of their dead - all of their dead - and injured. She remembers each of their faces and, when she could, the shape of their wounds.

She knows it wasn't her fault they ended up in this quadrant. She doesn't have infinite god-like powers. She also knows that it is partially her fault that they're still here. And as much as she is apart from her crew (and doesn't Chakotay give her hell for that), she knows it will be ten times worse to look down into the badly burned or mangled face of a friend.

-fin-

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